What would you do if you were having trouble finding a safe, accepting place where you felt free to be yourself? Sixteen-year-old Tabby Bellanor decided to create her own, @safebispace, which now has over 80,000 followers on Instagram.
When and why did you start your Instagram page? What was your original vision and mission? Has it evolved?
I started my page on June 10th, 2019, so about a year ago. I started it because I felt alone, to be honest. I was attending a high school that wasn't terribly accepting and I didn't know anyone else who was LGBTQ+ that I felt like I could talk to. I wanted a space where I was free to be me, and free to like who I liked without fear or shame. I figured maybe other people could use a space like that too. I didn't want to feel alone, and I didn't want others to feel alone either. It's become a lot bigger than I could have imagined, but the vision is still the same: a space where no one would feel alone. I post features for LGBTQ+ owned small businesses, self-made memes, and I've recently begun adding cat and pet features, just for the extra positivity.
Were you already out to family and friends when you created your Instagram page?
I was. I had ”officially” come out in 9th grade (started the account summer between 10th and 11th grade) but I had talked with my parents more before then, as well as my friends. I didn't come out to my extended family until a bit later though, and my mom accidentally outed me to more relatives at Christmas in 2019. Luckily, they took it pretty well, and I ended up spending a good hour or two later that evening just answering any questions they had about LGBTQ+ topics.
What has the response been so far? From strangers online? From classmates?
It has been mostly positive, which I'm very thankful for. Most people online have been very kind and supportive. I thought I was being pretty quiet about the account to people in real life, but word gets around, I guess. The day I reached 10,000 I actually had a few people come up to me in the hallways and congratulate me. It was wild -- in a good way -- and I was glad some people were being supportive. There were, and still are, a few people who are mean or hateful, but it's been relatively small compared to the number of kind people.
What is the most rewarding feedback you've gotten so far?
Hands down, the times people have said I've helped them out of a dark place. People have said that they saw something fun and relatable I posted at just the right time. I’ve occasionally had people tell me I helped save their life, which is amazing. When people tell me they feel less alone because of something I posted or said, it makes all the effort and time I've put into the page worth it ten times over. I may not be able to save the world, but if I can help people, maybe it's saving their world.
Did you or your parents have any concerns about whether or not it is safe to be out online in the Trump era? Has there been any backlash?
I think they had a few concerns, but as long as I followed basic internet safety rules they were ok with it. There will always be backlash. I just block and delete hate comments and messages, and I try not to take things personally and brush off the homophobia.
How would you describe your online followers and fans? Do most of them identify as LGBTQ+?
Most of them identify with some part of LGBTQ+, but there's also a good number of allies, too. I've gotten a few people who are parents or partners to LGBTQ+ people trying to better understand and connect with them, which I think is really kind and supportive. I would describe my followers as more of a family than a fanbase. I actually use the term ”Fambily” for a sort of bi family. People are there for each other, and relating to each other, and even making new friends and group chats. I try to have a ”check your invalidation at the door” rule; people are welcome to their own beliefs and opinions, but I want everyone to feel safe and supported. My followers come from different countries, home situations, places on the political spectrum, you name it. But they're all together and supporting each other.
What is some of the most popular content you've posted online?
The most popular content tends to be features, but I think the most ”liked” post was of a rainbow name flag I made. I basically just took a rainbow pride flag and asked people if they would like to share their name to be put on the flag. It has over 1000 names on it and I have it hanging in my room. People really like the unity and togetherness it seems to promote!
How do most people discover or find your page?
Most people come from the ”explore page” (which is just a bunch of content that's recommended to a user based on their interests), but I've also gotten a number of followers from being featured on other LGBTQ+ pages.
What else do you like to do with your spare time?
I actually manage other social media pages! I do some consulting for small businesses and help manage their Instagram accounts. I also like to hang out with my friends and my girlfriend. We like to play Minecraft together and bake.
Do you consider yourself an activist?
I've had a number of people call me an activist or an influencer, but I actually don't think of myself as either. In my mind, an activist is someone marching in the streets for justice and fighting for their life and the lives of others, and an influencer is someone posting ads for a weight loss juice; I'm not either of those things. I try to make people feel safer and less alone. I still haven't found quite the right term for that yet, other than friend. I'm a friend.
What is the best advice you've gotten about using social media to make the world a better, more accepting place?
I actually have never really gotten direct advice on that front! I didn't really have anyone I knew using social media for that reason, or even using social media for much more than cat pics and selfies (not that that is bad, of course). I've mostly had to figure things out on my own. But something I read in a book really stuck with me, which was: "You can’t save everyone." I can't convince everyone to be accepting of me, and I can't convince everyone that they're not alone. I'm not a crisis therapist, and I can't be online 24/7, and that's okay.
What advice might you have for others hoping to use social media to make a difference? Any practical tips?
As I said earlier- you can't save everyone. You can't be everywhere for everybody. You have to put your wellbeing and safety first. After all, you can't help others without having first helped yourself. As for more physical advice, I recommend that you have more security features than you think you'll need. Put 2 factor authentication on your account, have a unique password, and use a new email/Google Voice phone number. Assume that people will be trying to hack into your account. But over everything else, have fun. If you can't find joy in what you're creating, neither will others.
Thank you, Tabby!
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